my parents were able to come up and visit me the past three days and yet i have no photos to prove it. I was looking forward to taking some shots and posting them but i just never remembered. it was so good to see them. my percussion professor is out of town this week so it actually worked out really well and we got to spend a lot of quality time together, whether it be sipping coffee or seeing the sights.
thanks to you i am relaxing in what could be the most plush dorm room ever assembled (complete with rope ladder up into my lofted bed). within the past three days i’ve found a super nice couch with a thermal cover (feels like long johns), a tv (27” magnavox) and a vintage chair. the best part; it was all free. and all from super nice, pleasant people. i love seattle.
“But the trouble with deep belief is that it costs something. And there is something inside me, some selfish beast of a subtle things that doesn’t like the truth at all because it carries responsibility, and if I actually believe these things I have to do something about them. It is so, so cumbersome to believe anything.”—donald miller, blue like jazz
these first few days back at school have been crazy and i feel like i’m already buried. it is usually a little weird transitioning from home to school or vice-versa, but this time seems abnormally strange. i went straight back to work this week, which for those of you who don’t know, consists of me sweeping (yes, with a broom) around campus. i usually throw on my ipod and let my mind wander. it can be pretty therapeutic and i usually enjoy it. these past days, however, this time alone has taken a bit getting use to. what i’ve found is that having two to three hours of alone quiet time, mixed with all the emotions of transitioning back into a different life can be a bit overwhelming. i feel like i’m living everywhere but the present. my heart is stuck in the past and my mind in the future. all i can think about are huge, dismal thoughts like: “what am i going to do after college” or “how am i going to afford life” or “am i going to be one of those people who just settles down, gets a mediocre job, starts a family, lives in the suburbs and has little get-togethers with the neighbors for the rest of your life?” while i know that new understandings usually comes out of this kind of processing and wrestling, it is all just so dark and lonely, and i find little hope. the world is gloomy and life just seems like too much. all i know is, my head is confused and my heart is heavy.
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reasons for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality.”—Albert Einstein (via littlemiss)