Because of fear we don’t know how to trust our own story. To be afraid, & leap regardless; There is so much power in that, you know. To live into the questions of our lives rather then the answers we already have. To pursue even the unclear. We have this chance to do anything! To reach out to others. To dance on the roof tops. To pray tearfully into the ocean and let go. We have this chance every moment to be living, to be alive. We need be present for our own life. Find bravery, except your mess, vocalize your dreams, and trust that there is hope beyond the things that scare us the most.
“Time ticks by; we grow older. Before we know it, too much time has passed and we’ve missed the chance to have had other people hurt us. To a younger me this sounded like luck; to an older me this sounds like a quiet tragedy.”—
today i’ve been thinking a lot about how many people come in and out of our lives in a year. so many relationships - some trivial and some special. what’s crazy is that the people we interact with is constantly changing. which leads me to believe that everyone is filler. the people we interact with are simply that, the people we come in contact with. which means everyone has a similar experience because everyone is just filler to someone else’s life. i saw the parents of a friend from high school at the store today but neither of us said anything. it was so weird to think that they are still around. they are caught up in their life and me in mine - doing our own thing, living our own life without any consequence to one another. while we may have known each other at some point, we now can both exist without any form of connection or concern. which for me, reflects a lot of thoughts and feelings this holiday season. year after year, we find ourselves interacting with the same people - friends and family - around the holidays. but are these relationships any different the rest? i mean just because we do the same familiar traditions every year make them any more meaningful. i don’t want to get caught in the same cycles of familiar. i don’t want people who are simply the backdrop to my life. this i know for sure.
[Note: that picture is super ironic because home also means the start of reluctantly drinking starbucks. twice today already and its only the first day home: once in the airport and again in the mall. it is close to our house and is pretty much all my brother and sister drink, which is really confusing because they all really like coffee. the only local coffee shops are downtown, maybe twenty minutes away. i’ll venture down a few times but whenever we go to coffee or meet up with someone its always at starbucks. luckily, i have a couple starbucks cards that i’ve collected not only because i don’t have reason to use them in seattle but i knew i would be coming home for break.]
“This is scientific confirmation that the combination of fat and sugar is a strong reinforcer. In a conversation with Ward, I asked her how strong it really was. The breaking point at which animals will no longer work for the reward, she told me, is slightly lower than the breaking point for cocaine. Animals are willing to work almost as hard to get either one”—
David A. Kessler, MD - “The end of overeating: Taking control of the insatiable american appetite.”
one of the books I started reading this break. pretty fascinating - learning some pretty cool stuff about the brain.
i’ve been really bad at keeping you up to date these past few months, and for that i’m sorry. i’ve missed so many opportunities to share some really cool events with you all. for example, the past two weeks have held my 21st birthday, going home for thanksgiving and playing at benaroya hall (which is always a highlight), none of which made their way to my blog. but i’m trying to get back into the habit and will hopefully be able to use this christmas break to get back into the swing of things.
yesterday i finished my finals for the fall quarter of my junior year. i can hardly believe it. it feels so good to be done though. today, i didn’t see the sun, which was half planned - half unexpected. this past quarter really took it out of me.